I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
