Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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