Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
