I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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