These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
