He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I checked into jail on foursquare
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They took my balls.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
