your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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