After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
