She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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