i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
