Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
