if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
