Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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