I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
