why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
