His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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