apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
