dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
