My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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