She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
