Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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