Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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