Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
