so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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