i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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