Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
