he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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