yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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