So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
