you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
