8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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