Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
