he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
