i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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