dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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