remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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