I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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