I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
