well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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