3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
