I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Let's paint friendship bongs
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
