Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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