last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
