the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
