Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
