today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
