If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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