pedialite and red bull = repair kit
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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