I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
