but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
